From Both Sides of the Table – Why is third grade so hard for some students?! (Includes suggestions for parents to help their child with reading and written language.)

I always say that third grade is a very important year in the life of a child. It is the year that so much brain development happens within the classroom, at home, and on the playground. Parent’s may not realize it – but this is a year that a child with subtle learning problems will all of the sudden start to “stick out”.

School Psychologists often receive a great many special education referrals for third graders. Maybe even more than any others. It seems that this is a time when teachers start to advise parents that their child is “not learning as they should be” or perhaps is “dyslexic”. As a School Psychologist I use to dread the week following the first set of parent-teacher conferences. It meant that I would be flooded with referrals.

WHY THIRD GRADE? I have a theory… or two…

Up until the third grade many of our books included loads of photos and pictures. So, a child who had difficulty with reading or comprehending passages could maybe “fake it” by using really good scanning skills or guessing. Plus, a child with good memory may recall a story or bits of passages if they were read to the child prior. But, in ,good ‘ol third grade the pictures greatly reduce compared to early reading books. The vocabulary becomes harder. Common words used in the first primer years now are transformed to bigger words. We sprinkle synonyms, and antonyms all over the text. There may be introductions to unique or new parts of speech or … wait for it… idioms! Plus, the content can be abstract. A child may need to rely on prior knowledge or imagination. Thus, a child who is very literal may really start to become quite frustrated and exhibit learning issues.

And as with reading – the expectations of written language also increase. No longer do we accept the three-sentence paragraph. We now need to write and write and write… a little at a time or maybe a whole entire page. There may be some prompts or “story starters” – but, by the middle to the end of third grade, our little authors need to be pretty fluid with basic sentence structure. The reversals of letters are no longer acceptable and in fact, a red flag for possible dyslexia.

That brings me to my next point – what is DYSLEXIA? Some people think it simply means reversing letters or numbers. Nope. That is not all true. It is perhaps one of the characteristics of dyslexia- but this disorder is a bit more complicated. Here is a snapshot of what dyslexia “may look like” and please keep in mind that professionals can help you – but please don’t “self diagnose”.

A person with dyslexia may demonstrate a few of the following challenging learning behaviors:

  1. Reads without fluency. Often will mispronounce words, omit words, substitute words or hesitate and need to start over.
  2. Has a hard time knowing what letters make which sounds. This is called phonemic awareness. Some children with read letters wrong and thus identify their sounds incorrectly. A child who reads pal instead of gal because they read the p for g and then identified the wrong sound, is one example. It also shows some letter confusion visually. Also, a child who hears the “p” sounds instead of “b” sound may think they heard pad instead of bad.
  3. Reversals of letters or words. In younger children, we consider reversing letters a developmental stage. After all TOYS R US made it clear that this was a “kid thing” by flipping the R between TOYS and US… But by the THIRD GRADE, this is something we don’t expect students to do.
Free share logo.

So, what can parents do?

Here are some strategies that I recommend to parents to help spurn a love of reading, writing, and even math in their child who struggles. Let’s face it- a child who hates to read or cannot write may miss out – especially as they grow older. So let’s try to prevent this from happening by incorporating reading and writing into our everyday lives!

TIP 1: READ ANYTHING…

My parents use to say I could read anything I wanted to read. If I wanted to read a magazine instead of a storybook before bedtime -that was OK. In high school, I would find all the scary novels on the library shelves and take them home devouring them as fast as I could turn the pages. So my philosophy is to allow your child to read just about anything.

TIP 2: LIVE BY EXAMPLE

Parents who demonstrate their appreciation for the written word pass on that behavior to their children more times than not. Perhaps setting a time each week as “family read time” would be a great way to have a shared family experience that will transcend beyond your home and into the classroom.

TIP 3: MAKE READING AND WRITING FUN!

Did you know that many board games involve reading and often writing? Games that are trademarked and have withstood the test of time are often current family favorites. They also have invaluable lessons. So grab Monopoly, Scrabble, Boggle, Risk, Scatterfories, Code Names, Trivia Pursuit (and the “junior” edition) and the countless other games available and play, play, play!

Here is a list I have posted before of common games and what skills they teach. This is by no means an exhaustive list and you may note that many of these games are for 8 and up. So they start around the second or third-grade level.

Trivia Pursuit – helps with turn-taking and general knowledge

Monopoly teaches reading, about money, strategy building, and for many – disappointment!

CLUE is a game that teaches reading, memory and deductive reasoning skills. The same is true for GUESS WHO.

YAHTZEE teaches great math skills – from addition to multiplication. Also a visual discrimination exercise.

MEMORY – well it teaches just that!

CONNECT 4 helps with visual memory and perception.

SCRABBLE is all about word building.

SCATTEGORIES is hones in on language skills like categorization and associations.

CODE NAMES is a fairly new game in comparison to some of these others and it too teaches about memory and word usage.

TIP 4: REGULAR PAPER CAN BE BORING! SHAKE IT UP!

If the opportunity for creativity arises – shake up learning by using unique online programs, different color paper, or templates for cartoons! A diary or journal can spark writing in many kids.

I recently discovered CANVA’s EDUCATIONAL WEBSITE. Here are some examples of what you can make using this dynamic site. There are many pricing options you can pick- some are free.


AND… a few more tips

*Play classical music in the background as your child is working or reading.

*Have your child read a recipe to you and cook that meal!

*Go to museums, art galleries, national parks, or any place that is culturally rich and reading is needed to enhance the experience

*Ask a relative or friend to be your child’s pen pal!

*Invest, if you can, in art materials. Yard sales are great to purchase used items that can be turned into artistic masterpieces!

*Have your child read in a different place than where they do homework. Like on a porch chair or in a special reading nook – just for them!

*Have your child read to you or teach you new words. Playing teacher is a very instrumental way for your child to actually LEARN!


In closing, I love third-graders. In fact, I love watching children of all ages learn. But, I recognize as a psychologist and a parent that third grade was one of those “tough years”. So, if you feel that your child really is having difficulties with learning or your child’s teachers are continually concerned – then consider asking for a referral to see if support could be offered. Know that usually there are many steps before a special education referral is made. Such as RTI- tiered intervention to help a child struggling with academic attainment. Also you may be told about a 504 plan – something discussed earlier in this series.

I wish you all a happy school year –

~Louise

The FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE TABLE SERIES STARTS HERE

Grief? Anger? Relief? Bewilderment? Welcome to the special-education emotional roller-coaster. (Part 4 of the From Both Sides of the Table series)

Determination of Special Education Eligibility: From the School Psychologist’s perspective:

There is no band-aid big enough to cover the broken heart of parents when they find out that their child has a serious learning or developmental disorder. As a school psychologist, I would rehearse the words that needed to be delivered to the parents waiting for me – across “the table”.

I knew that “Bad” or unexpected news needs to be carefully and eloquently given versus blurted out like guesses for Jeopardy.  You owe them that much.  They trusted you with their child.  

I gave hundreds, perhaps thousands, of parents “the news”.  Usually starting my “spiel” with some glowing remarks about their child – “Such a great worker”, “Really motivated and tried so hard”, or “Fabulous ability to stay on task”. Then came the description of what transpired over hours of one-on-one evaluations, observations, interviews, and discussions with staff.   Finally, arrives the moment that many await – the results.

“As you know “your child” and I worked together for many hours over a course of several days. He was alert, responded to my requests without any problems, and seemed to enjoy most of our activities. He was very good at ___ (fill in the blank) and a joy to get to know. With that said… based on the findings from this comprehensive psychoeducational evaluation your seven-year-old child currently has the developmental level of a child younger than himself. That means that his cognitive (intellectual) ability to complete tasks combined with his academic skills, and skills for his daily living – appear also to be delayed for his age and grade. (This is where I pull out a chart that shows visually what I mean – such as the one below

I stop. I look the parents in the eye. And then ask if it is OK to continue with the meeting or if they have any questions about the evaluation process.

I then continue as if I am doing a “big reveal” – but without the cheering and happy faces … “I need you to know that these results allow for our team to discuss options for eligibility and possible programming within special education as I am recommending that your son meets the eligibility qualifications as a child with Intellectual Disabilities. “

This is where a few parents will ask me to repeat – EXACTLY – what I just said. They need to hear it twice as to help with the understanding. It is not uncommon for people to ask questions that seem “basic” but are very important. One parent asked a question that would seem very politically incorrect by today’s standards – “Is my son retarded?”

I respond, “Yes, that is a much older term but the definition probably is the same.  However, I need you to know that he is young and we use strategies and programs that have not been introduced to him yet.  So, please know that these results may change by the next time we re-evaluate him.  We need to keep an eye on your son’s educational programming – monthly – school year by year. We do not have a crystal ball – but I am very hopeful that consistent intervention and programming can only help him to developmentally and academically grow”  

THEN I WAIT. With this news or any other “heavy news” I wait. I need to press pause right here and now as I just dropped a potential “heart bomb” and I owe it to the parent(s) to have a moment to process it. I ask if there are any questions. And, if they need a moment to privately discuss or regroup?

By the way… This is where some psychologists fail parents. They simply drop “the news” and then move on because they are thinking of their next appointment, meeting, or even lunch. They fail because they don’t know what it is like to sit at the other side of the table and the immense need for that moment of allowing the messaging they just received to sink in.

“Are you surprised by what I just said?”, I will ask. 

Sometimes the response is “not really”.  Other times the parents go through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief at record speed with ANGER being where they stop.  “NO WAY, he is just like me and I learned just fine!”, announced one very demonstrative father to me.  (How do I respond to THAT?) 

Or the sobbing begins.  This is so hard.  I almost rather have the anger.  Sobbing means that the dreams they had for their son are now being reformulated as we sit in this too formal setting. News like this should happen on comfy chairs over tea and with boxes of tissues.  Not in a room of strangers who just altered your world in a blink. 

So, begins most parents’ initial journey into special education. 

Please keep in mind that I am using this scenario as one of my scenarios that could happened – just as an example. But, as I have mentioned in prior blogs – special education encompasses a large number of eligibility categories – from needing speech therapy to those with multiple impairments who may need intensive services. The process is almost the same with each category – meetings, reviews, possible evaluations, and/or eligibility meetings and perhaps writing of an IEP.


The Parent Perspective:

It hurts. Hearing any words of concern and describing the most precious and beloved person in my life as less than perfect – hurts so much! But, I recognize that our son needs support with his learning – his talking – his muscles – etc. He is perfect to us- but in the “eyes” of the special education process – he is another “qualifier”. This means special classes and therapies as a child under the age of 3. He will have home visits and I will need to bring him to special centers for infants and toddlers. I will meet other parents and we will share our ‘war stories”. This is helpful to some degree. To others it is not. We decide to supplement his structured learning by placing our little fella also in “regular” daycare. He doesn’t do well the first go-around. He cries too much. Seems a bit lost until recess. Doesn’t want to sit or follow-directions. He is a “handful”. But, in time – with both special and regular preschool – he “graduates” from all of the services except for speech. He can’t pronounce correctly a few sounds and speaks very fast. That seems “do-able”. But, our time in special education isn’t over – we are just “on hiatus”.


When Dreams are Altered.

Dr. Ken Moses is quoted in an article saying these wise words which helped me as a parent:

Parents attach to children through core-level dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future. Disability dashes these cherished dreams. The impairment, not the child, irreversibly spoils a parent’s fundamental. heart-felt yearning. Disability shatters the dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future that parents generate as pan of their struggle to accomplish basic life missions. Parents of impaired children grieve for the loss of dreams that are key to the meaning of their existence, to their sense of being. Recovering from such a loss depends on one’s ability to separate from the lost dream, and to generate new. more attainable, dreams.

Dr. Ken Moses, Childhood Disability: A Parent’s Struggle (read more)

I recall going to a conference when our son was young with Dr. Ken Moses as the key presenter. Gosh, it was great! But, I was emotionally drained by the first break. He started the session by having us do an exercise that brought us all to tears. We were to envision our child – before they were born. And then we were to think of our hopes for this child. What we dreamed for their future. These thoughts were to be mentally placed in “thought bubbles”. Then Dr. Moses asked us to reflect on our reality of the challenges this child has endured. Which bubbles are now burst? Which remained? He then went on to discuss how we can make new and attainable dreams with our child – and that hope is a good emotion.

Break out the tissues. This life lesson was extremely powerful.

But, it taught me a huge lesson as a parent. And a psychologist. Dreams are only dreams that sometimes can become reality – or just need adjustments. Regardless, you can DO this!


Being a parent in the digital age

I have learned as a parent and professional to be careful of what information I read and absorb on the internet. And yes, I am keenly aware that my website is chocked full of “suggested resources”. But, please note that when I offer an article or video I do with this caveat – please use your due diligence to be sure to check the content for accuracy and application to your life. With that said, here is a resource that I found helpful on this topic:

PARENT COMPANION

More Ideas to Keep Busy When You are Stuck at Home!

Hello All! What A WEEK! I hope you are all healthy and staying safe from COVID 19 (Corona Virus).

I am planning to continue posting about activities / online events that you can do to keep you and your loved ones busy during this Corona Virus pandemic crisis. Many of the sites listed below are educational and appropriate for students of most ages. Several were chosen to help reduce the boredom factor being experienced by teens and adults.

Part one of my “boredom busters” was published earlier this week and can be found here.

You will find the details and articles associated with thel suggestions below where you see CLICK HERE

Have a suggestion? Add it to the comment section – (Remember keep it G-rated!)


GUESS WHAT! You can dance with Debbie Allen! Instagram Live – Use @MsDebbieAllen to follow along

Wednesdays at 4p/ Eastern 1pm Pacific


PBS rocks with concerts, movies and more! Watch and CLICK HERE for some of your favorites for FREE!


YMCA 360- CLICK HERE On-Demand Videos


Stream BROADWAY shows for a fraction of the cost ($8.99 a month) CLICK here


BRAVO to Billboard for their LIVE AT HOME CONCERT SERIES. They have amassed quite a number superstars to join their online concert series. Click Here is the link to learn more


John Legend … Coldplay … Death Cab for Cute … Indigo Girls … and more


Listen to many A-list musicians who are “self-quarantined” but want to bring a bright moment to music-lovers. CLICK here for the scoop



The Grammy Museum is offering Education at Home opportunities! Click here for info



FREE BOOKS from this VIRTUAL LIBRARY!! No hitch. Click here


CLICK HERE: More suggestions from USA Today (100 Things to Do…)

Follow my blog with Bloglovin